My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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