I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
