I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
