I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
