So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
