I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
