Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
