I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
