it wasn't lemon gatorade
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Congratulations! We have a period
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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