My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
