If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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