Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
