You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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