Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
