Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
