There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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