$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
