Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
