i was rollin on her like bob the builder
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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