remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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