in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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