so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
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