New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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