Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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