oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
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