my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
