Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
