This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
