Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
