Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
