Apparently you make a good broom.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
