what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
