i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
