She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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