my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
