just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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