I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
