I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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