thus making me awesome and them whores
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
