I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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