I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
