fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Randomize
