Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
