I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
