He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
