Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
