Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
i've created a new STD.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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