She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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