Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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