She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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