If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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